She was always thirsting for Christ. I thought of John 7: 37-39 : "If any man is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, 'From his innermost being shall flow rivers of living water. ' But this He spoke of the Spirit, whom those who believed in Him were to receive; for the Spirit was not yet given, because Jesus was not yet glorified."
I don't understand why she did not have this--this amazing feeling of His love and presence you have normally as a true believer. But she suffered because of a feeling of absence of Him.
Some of the things that were challenging--Matt. 25:34-46--the passage about if we feed, cloth, give drink, minister to others and to the sick and those in prison--we do it to Jesus and if we don't then "Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me" ..I need to think a lot more about this--Jesus meant this to be taken seriously.
When she referred to the Matt 25 passage she would say "Remember the five fingers-- you--did---it---to --Me." This is referred to as the Gospel on five fingers.
When she thought about the suffering her reply was "All for Jesus" or "You know this is the chance for greater love."
She felt: "God is in love with us and keeps giving Himself to the world--through you---through me...May you continue to be the sunshine of His love to your people and thus make your life something truly beautiful for God."
"She considered embracing the mystery of the cross in her life an opportunity to do something beautiful for God and carry His love to those living in darkness........."let us pray for all the grace we need to unite our sufferings to His, that many souls, who live in darkness and misery, may know His love and life........I pray that nothing may ever so fill you with pain and sorrow as to make you forget the joy of the Risen Jesus.""Yet it was not with a sense of helplessness or passive resignation that she lived; rather she radiated the joy of belonging to God, of living with Him. She knew that after the pain of the Passion, the joy of the resurrection would dawn."
She felt she should never refuse God anything--that "True love is surrender. The more we love, the more we surrender." That we are to be "a victim for others".
When thinking about refusing God something to think on: "Wilt thou refuse? When there was a question of thy soul I did not think of Myself but gave myself freely for thee on the Cross and now what about thee? Wilt thou refuse?"
A priest gave her this advice: "Pray much and live intimately with our Lord J.C. asking for light, strength, decision; but do not anticipate HIS WORK . Try not to put anything of your own in all this. You are His instrument, nothing more." That was good advice.
She said: "In my meditations & prayers, which are so full of distractions nowadays-- there stands one thing very clear--my weakness & His Greatness. I fear all things from my weakness--but I trust blindly His Greatness."
Another counsel she gave: "Give Jesus a free hand and let Him use you without consulting you."
And this: "His ways are so beautiful--to think that we have God almighty to stoop so low as to love you & me & make use of us--& make us feel that He really needs us---As I grow older my wonder at His humility grows not for what He gives but for what He is--[the[ Bread of Life--The hungry One." (pg 273)
She did very "consciously, to become a bridge between people and God, and to bring them God's salvation and bring them to God. So even in small things that she did, she wanted to talk about [Jesus]...."273
She said: "It is only when we realize our nothingness, our emptiness, that God can fill us with Himself. When we become full of God then we can give God to others, for from the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks." 273-4
"I must be able to give only Jesus to the world. People are hungry for God. What [a] terrible meeting [it] would be with our neighbour if we give them only ourselves." 281
"Sorrow, suffering....is but a kiss of Jesus---a sign that you have come so close to Jesus that He can kiss you.---I think this is the most beautiful definition of suffering.---So let us be happy when Jesus stoops down to kiss us.--I hope we are close enough that He can do it." 281
She felt many suffered from loneliness--"How do we know some one like that is not next to our house? Do we know who they are, where they are? Let us find them and , when we find them, love them. Then when we love them we will serve them.......I think a much greater disease is to be unwanted ,unloved. The pain that these people suffer is very difficult to understand, to penetrate. I think this is what our people all over the world are going through, in every family, in every home." 296
One of her goals for a Missionary of Charity: "to spread His fragrance everywhere she went, to be His radiance, His light, and to be 'only Jesus' to each person she met. In all this, she was satiating His thirst for love and souls." 299On Sept 5, 1997 she complained of severe back pain; "soon her condition was aggravated by the inability to breath..All was done to help her; a doctor and a priest were called in. Unexpectedly the electricity failed and the whole house was in darkness. Foreseeing an emergency, the sisters had secured two independent electric supplies. But both lines went out at the same time; such a thing had never happened before. Prompt and expert medical aid could not help, as the breathing machine (Bi-PAP) could not be started. It was 9:20 P.M. While Calcutta was in darkness, the earthly life of the one who had brought so much light to this city ad to the whole world was extinguished. " 333
She gave herself unreservedly to minister to the poorest and the sick. She lived for touching others in , with and for Christ. Much here to reflect on. She had the heart of Jesus as she viewed the pain in this world.
I will close this with her answer to Who is Jesus to Me?
Jesus is the Word made flesh.
Jesus is the Bread of Life.
Jesus is the Victim offered for our sins on the Cross.
Jesus is the Sacrifice offered at the Holy Mass
for the sins of the world and mine.
Jesus is the Word--to be spoken
Jesus is the Truth--to be told.
Jesus is the Way--to be walked.
Jesus is the Light-- to be lit.
Jesus is the Love--to be loved.
Jesus is the Joy--to be shared.
Jesus is the Sacrifice--to be offered.
Jesus is the Peace--to be given.
Jesus is the Bread of Life--to be eaten.
Jesus is the Hungry--to be fed.
Jesus is the Thirsty--to be satiated.
Jesus is the Naked--to be clothed.
Jesus is the Homeless--to be taken in.
Jesus is the Sick--to be healed.
Jesus is the Lonely--to be loved.
Jesus is the Unwanted--to be wanted.
Jesus is the Leper--to wash his wounds.
Jesus is the Beggar--to give him a smile.
Jesus is the Drunkard--to listen to him.
Jesus is the Retarded--to protect him.
Jesus is the Little One--to embrace him.
Jesus is the Blind--to lead him.
Jesus is the Dumb--to speak for him.
Jesus is the Crippled--to walk with him.
Jesus is the Drug Addict--to befriend him.
Jesus is the Prostitute--to remove from danger and befriend.
Jesus is the Prisoner--to be visited.
Jesus is the Old--to be served.
Jesus is my God.
Jesus is my Spouse.
Jesus is my Life.
Jesus is my only Love.
Jesus is my ALL in All.
Jesus is my everything.
Jesus, I love with my whole heart, with my whole being.
I have given Him all, even my sins, and He has espoused me to
Himself in tenderness and love.
Now and for life I am the spouse of my Crucified Spouse. Amen 303-304
She was Applying Matt 25--something to think on.